Who Wants Pizza?

Domicopter carrying pizza

Photo: Domino’s UK

Last year the Internet was buzzing over the possibility of the Tacocopter, a remote-controlled taco-flinging drone. But it wasn’t to be. An all-American idea—fast food raining from the sky—was blocked by an unaccountable government bureaucracy.  It was only a matter of time until a foreign competitor would take our rightful place in the forefront of aerial crap cuisine, and it’s happened with an American staple, pizza.

NEW YORK (CNNMoney) – In perhaps the first bit of “technological research” to involve flying pepperoni, Domino’s has developed a drone capable of delivering pizzas.

While the idea is likely just a PR stunt, a Domino’s franchise in the United Kingdom posted a video on Monday of the unmanned “DomiCopter” actually delivering two pizzas in the company’s signature Heatwave bags.

Julianne Pepitone at CNN Money tries to pass this off as “a PR stunt,” but mark my words, the flying fast food revolution is upon us. Today pizza, tomorrow tacos, burgers, and chicken nuggets, all flung from remote-controlled helicopters. The future has arrived and we are falling behind.

Domino’s U.S. spokesman Tim McIntyre made clear “this has nothing to do with us in the U.S. and we have no plans to pursue this idea.”

Great! So I have to wait thirty minutes for my pizza to arrive by car when some limey across “the pond” gets his in three? Pizza is as American as hamburgers, hot dogs, and Chinese takeout! If anything, the drones in the UK should be delivering bangers and mash or shepherd’s pies, not pizza.

What did we pitch all that tea in Boston harbor for anyway? Just so a digital media company called T and Biscuits could steal our idea and make a fortune off of it.

And what did we fight World War Two for? If it weren’t for us, those ungrateful Brits would be dodging volleys of sauerkraut!

Why this makes those noble patriots with tea bags stapled to their tri-cornered hats look like idiots!

We are Americans! The unquestioned leaders in unmanned aerial drone technology. We also have the largest population of pot-smoking computer hackers. How else do you think Ron Paul got all those contributions? We should be leading the world in pizza-frisbeeing, taco-flinging, burger-chucking robots!

Anything less isn’t the America I grew up in, or the America I want to leave to our children.

Antonio's Flying Pizza sign

Let’s make Antonio’s pizzas really fly! (Photo: Houston Press)

How about you? If you could pick one fast food item you could have delivered by unmanned drone, what would it be?

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